The Crafty Guide to Cheyne Heath (Pt. 1)

Excerpted from a curious book I found hidden in the back of a dusty shelf in a used bookstore on Cape Cod:

As we all know, we witches are never the most welcoming of people, save to the needy visitors to our kitchens, and the witches of Cheyne Heath are more unwelcoming than most, so run off their feet are they by the abnormal frequency of strange occurrences in London’s most supernaturally challenged borough. Yet what makes life in Cheyne Heath so demanding for its witches makes it the perfect holiday destination for any hard-working woman in need of a little rest and relaxation, or in search of something different to the run-of-the-mill requests for fertility tonics, love potions, and salves for the ailments modern medicine cannot address which are the witch’s stock-in-trade, but which can become so tedious to manage year-in and year-out. But fear not, dear reader, for in the pages of this guide you will find all you need to make a good introduction to the fine witches of Cheyne Heath, along with all the tips for what to look out for you’ve come to expect from my Crafty Guides.

And how did I come across all this information?

Wherever there are witches, there is always a hidden market to serve them. As regular readers of my guides will know, my aunt and witch-mother was a barrow witch, that most unique breed of hard-working woman so dedicated to their community. Sadly, I always lacked that certain tenacity required to be a barrow witch, my interest always in what lay on the other side of the hill or river, or at the other end of whatever road my feet found themselves walking upon. Luckily for me, my cousin, Delicia, took over her mother’s barrow when my aunt crossed the veil, and Delicia has been more than generous to offer me introductions all across the British Isles. Mostly, I suspect, to get me out of her hair, but a kindness given for any reason is as good as any other.

So, read on for the inside scoop of the Craftiest of all the British Isles’ destinations…